Here and Gone
by purple parasol
Summary: What will Cloud do when Tifa moves out to try to move on with her life? What will it take for them to realize that they've always had what they were looking for? Takes place about a year after Advent Children. Not related to DoC. CloTi
1. Chapter 1

Hi y'all. This is my first fan fic, and I'm kind of stumbling through it. I am a big Cloud and Tifa fan so hopefully you'll enjoy the CloTi-ness. I definitely want to hear what you have to say about this story, so leave reviews. This is multi-chap, and I'll most likely finish with or without reviews, but that doesn't mean I don't want them!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Final Fantasy VII

**Here and Gone**

Chapter one

The night was still sticky with the remains of the day's heat, but a cleansing breeze was sweeping through and refreshing Cloud Strife as he parked his motorcycle, Fenrir. He unstrapped his unnaturally large sword as he headed into the house. He was greeted with stillness inside just as it should be. Cloud climbed the stairs and went straight to the children's room. He cracked open the door slightly so the light from the hallway wouldn't disturb them.

Both Marlene and Denzel were sleeping peacefully. Smiling faintly, Cloud pulled the door shut and crossed the hall into his bedroom, which also served as an office. He hung his sword on a peg made for that specific purpose. The fair-haired swordsman stretched and yawned. It was so late, but he knew he'd never be able to sleep unless he made one more stop.

Cloud had fears that ran deep. Fears that he wouldn't be able to protect those he loved. He placed a reluctant hand on her doorknob. She was probably safe, but it was his nightly ritual to check. With a small breath, Cloud pushed the door open.

His eyes darted around the room. Photographs lined the walls. There were snapshots of Denzel and Marlene, AVALANCHE, and family portraits of the four of them. That's what she called them, her family.

Their situation was strange. Cloud and Tifa acted as the parents, though they were not married. In fact, they were not even in a relationship. Just best friends. Marlene was the eight-year-old adopted daughter of Barret, one of their AVALANCE buddies. She had been looked after by Tifa ever since she was young. Marlene knew Tifa wasn't her mother, but she couldn't have adored her more if she was. Denzel was an orphan that Cloud found passed-out in the ruins of Midgar. Even though Denzel was only nine years old, he had a seriousness about him. He had been through too much hardship to be as carefree as Marlene, whom he accepted as a sister. Only a year ago, he had been healed from a deadly illness. Both children were thriving under the care of the two unlikely parents.

Where was the raven haired fighter? There was no sign that she had slept in her undisturbed bed. Cloud clutched the doorknob in his hand as he called softly, "Tifa?" Cloud drank-in the silence uncomfortably, and then moved into the room. He walked to the bedside table and picked up the portrait of his family that had been sitting beneath a lit lamp. "Tifa," he breathed, suddenly exhausted.

Without allowing himself to think of the possibilities he set the photograph down and left the room. He was about to check for Tifa in the bar when he heard soft humming. Cloud vaguely recognized the tune and followed it up the stairs to the roof.

Tifa was sitting sideways in a hammock, rocking back and forth. She was staring at the sky and humming a soft melody. She looked up at the sound of Cloud's heavy footsteps. A smile lit her face and she greeted him, "Cloud."

Cloud looked at her for a moment then returned a small smile. "Cloud, aren't the stars beautiful? Come enjoy the evening with me." She slid over in the hammock to make room for him. Cloud walked forward and awkwardly sat in the hammock.

He glanced at Tifa and she was already stretched out looking at the stars again. Her ruby-tinted eyes were illuminated in the moonlight. The breeze picked-up and tossed Tifa's long, chocolate-brown hair and scent in his direction. Her scent was so familiar, clean and comforting to him. Some of the stiffness in his shoulders melted away.

Tifa turned to look at him. She sensed he was a little pensive.

"What's on your mind?" she queried.

"Nothing." He replied without looking at her. He could feel Tifa's piercing gaze on him and he said reluctantly.

"Do you always sit up here?"

"Most nights I do, but only for a bit. It relaxes me." Cloud nodded.

"Do the children know where you are when you come up here?"

"I don't know. Maybe not, since I come up after they're asleep." Cloud gave a small grunt and said sheepishly.

"You should tell them where you are. They might get scared if they can't find you." Tifa searched his face, recognition dawning on her. She sensed the real reason for his mood.

"Don't worry Cloud. I would never abandon them. I have been known to give a good fight a time or two. I can take care of the kids and myself. We're a family; there are few things in this world that could force me to leave." Cloud nodded.

"I know, but what if there was someone you couldn't handle and I wasn't here to help you? All it would take is one time." His words were so laced with fear that Tifa grabbed his hand and squeezed it comfortingly.

The two of them rocked in the hammock silently. A small smile crossed Tifa's face as she saw a twinkling star. She started humming again.

"What is that?" Cloud asked

"Hmmm?"

"The song. It's familiar." Tifa blushed.

"Oh. Um, it's the song I sang when you were sick. It's been in my head lately." Cloud looked at her guiltily.

"Tifa, you do so much for me and I keep you here." Tifa whipped around to look at him. He continued.

"You should be free to see the world, and have your own life. You know, get married or something. I'm sure I could handle the kids." There, he'd said it. Now she didn't have to feel obligated to stay anymore, as much as it pained him. He felt Tifa drop his hand. He knew it. "She is as good as gone," he thought remorsefully, but then he stubbornly admitted, "She deserves to be happy."

Cloud was torn by the conflict. How could he bring himself to let her be free to leave so she can be happy when all he really wanted was to never let her out of his sight? Secretly, he hoped she'd laugh off his suggestion as a joke. He was brought back to reality by the sound of her voice.

"Is that what you think?" Her voice was quiet but it was tinged with both sadness and anger. "I'm here out of obligation? Cloud, don't you understand! I'm here because I..." She alighted from the hammock and turned away from him. She tugged at a piece of her hair, struggling to find the words. She wiped a tear from her face and thanked god that Cloud can't see her cry.

She was wrong. Cloud saw her wipe the tear. He stared at her back bewildered. He didn't expect this reaction from her and he couldn't begin to guess what it meant. "Tifa?" he said quietly. She didn't respond, and he placed his hands on her shoulders. "Tifa?" he asked again, tenderness in his voice

"What Cloud?"

"Tifa, why _do_ you stay?" She turned to face him, his hands still on her shoulders.

"B-because," she stammered looking into his bright blue eyes. "We're a family..." She knew she was barely clinging to that reasoning anymore; it was only a matter of time before the real reason came out. "...and I..." Her thought process ebbing, she reached up and trailed her fingers along his face. "...I..." She rose a little on her toes and tilted her head bringing their lips together.

It was like the 4th of July in Cloud's head. His Mako heightened senses were filled with Tifa. He stood frozen, just sensing her. He could feel her longing and release in that kiss. Then she abruptly pulled away. She was staring at her shoes and shaking a little beneath his hands. She glanced up briefly at his face, and then looked down again.

"I'm sorry," She whispered. "I-I shouldn't have done that." Tifa broke free of his grasp and raced down the stairs.

Cloud stared after her, rooted to the floor. "Tifa, wait!" he croaked, but she was already out of hearing distance. He covered his face with battle-worn hands and groaned. He was utterly confused, not only by Tifa's actions, but by his own. His brain was fuzzy from drowsiness and he knew things would only get worse if he tried to fix them in this state. Still, he couldn't just leave things the way they were. He trudged down the stairs, and knocked on Tifa's door quietly. There was no answer and no sound of movement from the other side of the door. "'Night." He called softly before going to his room.

Tifa waited silently until she heard his footsteps retreat before she climbed into her bed. "Good job," she chastised herself. "Now you've gone and messed things up with Cloud." Only then did she allow herself to cry, tears silently streaming down her face.

A/N: What do you think? What did you like? What did you hate? Did it make sense? I'm all about trying to make it better, so leave a review. Thanks!


	2. Chapter 2

Hi again. Thanks to those who reviewed, I really appreciate it. I hope you enjoy this chapter. I probably won't be able to post for a few weeks after this because of school and all. We'll see what happens though.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to Final Fantasy VII.

**Here and Gone**

Chapter Two

Cloud smiled into his pillow as the scent of freshly-made breakfast reached him. This was one of the things he missed most when on the road for his delivery service. No doubt, every piece of toast was browned to perfection and the bacon was just right. Tifa was gifted with the abilities of the perfect home-maker, but with her other qualities, that was just icing on the cake.

Cloud rolled out of bed and showered quickly before heading down to breakfast. Marlene and Denzel were already sitting at the table in their pajamas chatting animatedly. Marlene's brown hair was neatly braided and tied in a pink ribbon. Denzel, on the other hand, looked like the survivor of a fierce windstorm.

"Cloud!" Marlene exclaimed bouncing out of her chair to greet him.

"Morning." He said as he sat down at the table and ruffled Denzel's hair.

"Where are you going today, Cloud?" asked Denzel eagerly.

"Mostly just some local deliveries," Cloud explained.

"Are you taking your sword?" asked Marlene. Cloud looked at her amusedly. He was always a little surprised when Marlene showed interest in fighting.

"Probably not," he said.

"You really should." remarked Denzel, "There's all kinds-a monsters out there and I bet you could scare some of them away just by pulling out your sword."

"Well, if you think its best," said Cloud in mock-seriousness.

Tifa peeked around the corner watching Cloud and the children. Just the sight of him tied her stomach in knots. Why was she acting like a schoolgirl? They were both adults, but sometimes she couldn't help acting like a teenager when it came to Cloud. She took a deep breath and collected a plate. Tifa entered the room maintaining an air of reserve as she carried the plate of food and set it on the table.

"Can I help?" asked Marlene.

"Of course," replied Tifa with a warm smile.

Denzel was chatting to Cloud about something his teacher had said, but Cloud was watching Tifa and Marlene retreating to the kitchen hand-in-hand. Tifa was acting strangely detached. It was like she was trying to act normal but couldn't quite pull it off.

Marlene re-entered shortly carrying a pitcher of orange juice, with Tifa close behind. Tifa carried the frying pan of bacon and eggs around, serving each person. She served Cloud last and was careful not to make eye-contact. He stared at her from the corner of his eye. "Thanks," he said stiffly. "You're welcome," she replied as she settled into her seat. They each watched the other inconspicuously but avoiding eye-contact and making no efforts at conversation.

Denzel seemed oblivious to any awkwardness but Marlene looked at the two of them curiously. Tifa played with her food, but didn't eat any.

"What's wrong?" asked Marlene.

Tifa looked at her. "What makes you think something's wrong?" she asked.

Marlene shrugged. "You're not eating and you're all quiet."

"Oh," said Tifa taking a large bite of egg. "See. Nothing's wrong."

Marlene frowned, but went back to her breakfast.

"I think I'd better get the bar ready to open," said Tifa standing and collecting her plate.

"What?" asked Marlene, "Aren't you taking Denzel and me to school?" Tifa hesitated, looking at the plate in her hand. Usually, she enjoyed their morning stroll to the school, but today all she really wanted was to have some time to herself before she had to devote her day to bartending.

"Can Cloud take us?" Denzel asked Tifa, resolving the issue for her.

"Don't you think you'd better ask him first?" replied Tifa walking into the kitchen.

"Please Cloud?" asked Denzel expectantly.

Cloud looked at the eager expression on Denzel's face and he couldn't resist.

"Sure," He replied.

"Yes!" Denzel exclaimed. "I'm gonna go get ready, OK Cloud?"

As Denzel bounded up the stairs Marlene gave Cloud a glare.

"What?" he asked.

"What'd you do to Tifa?" Marlene asked accusingly.

"Nothing!" said Cloud defensively.

"Then what's wrong with her?" Marlene pouted.

"I don't know," said Cloud, his expression softening. But he had more of an idea of what was wrong with Tifa than he let on.

"Go get ready for school, then I'll take you," he said.

Marlene nodded, took her plate to the kitchen and headed up the stairs.

Cloud grabbed his and Denzel's plates and took them to the kitchen. Tifa was washing the dishes from breakfast in the sink. She didn't look up as he set the last two down.

Cloud considered what he ought to say. He knew he'd messed-up last night. He hadn't counted on her getting mad when he was just trying to help. Maybe he had said it wrong, but then why did she kiss him? He had to clear this up.

"Teef, about last night..."

She winced slightly, but shut the water off and looked at him. She tried her best to cloak her nervousness with a smile. "I'm sorry about that Cloud. I don't know what I was thinking. It won't happen again." She pushed a strand of hair away from her face.

"I know you've got a busy day, so I made you lunch." She handed him a brown paper sack and said "OK?"

Cloud was about to protest, but was interrupted by Marlene calling, "C'mon Cloud! Let's go!" He turned to leave.

"Oh Cloud wait." Tifa called. She ran over to him and handed him some money. "This is for the kids' lunches."

Cloud nodded a little disappointed. He was hoping she was going to say something else.

"I've got a lot of jobs today. I won't be back 'til late. Don't wait up for me." He said in monotone.

Tifa nodded and turned back to the dishes. Was he just imagining it or did she seem sad for some reason.

"Tifa..." he started, but was once again summoned by the children. "Clou-oud!" Marlene called from the front room.

"You'd better get going," said Tifa. Cloud nodded and exited the kitchen.

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Tifa drummed her fingers impatiently against the countertop. Her bar, Seventh Heaven, still had two hours until it opened for business. As usual everything was impeccable. The countertops were spotless, the glasses shone brightly, and the floors were swept and mopped. There was one task left to do, which was to bring up some fresh bottles from the back room. That was the last thing on the brunette's mind.

"Please pick-up," she sighed into the receiver.

"Hello?" chirped a cheerful young voice.

"Yuffie!" Tifa exclaimed

"Tifa! How are you? When was the last time we talked? A few weeks ago? We should really talk more often. Just because we live on other sides of the world doesn't mean we can't talk," Yuffie seemed to say in one breath

"Yeah, I guess so," said Tifa thoughtfully.

"Is something wrong, Teef? You sound a little...I don't know, like your favorite pet died. But I've never actually talked to someone whose pet just died, so I could be wrong."

"Actually..." Tifa started. This was a lot harder than she thought. "...boy, do I wish we could talk in-person instead of over the phone," she sighed.

"Oh, I know! We haven't seen each other for months and months. Maybe pops will let me have a break from all my annoying training soon, and I'll come and visit you and that spiky-headed guy that you loooove oh-so-much. How is he by-the-way?"

"Cloud? He's..." Tifa didn't finish her sentence.

"Uh-oh," said Yuffie, "I feel some girl-talk coming on. How are things between you t-,"

"I kissed him!" Tifa blurted, interrupting the hyperactive ninja.

"No way!" exclaimed Yuffie, "It's about time! Tell me everything! Don't leave out any kind of detail. I wanna know what you were wearing, what he was wearing, where it happened, where his hands were, what you both said, what y-"

"Yuffie..." Tifa interrupted.

"What?"

"It's not what you think."

"What do you mean?" asked Yuffie.

"I didn't mean to kiss him...it just sort of happened. We were talking last night, and I kind of lost control."

"You don't sound very happy about it. Haven't you been wanting something to start between you and Mr. Chocobo-head for, like, your whole life?"

"Yes," Tifa admitted sadly, "but that's not what happened."

"What did happen?" asked the younger girl curiously.

"I think I messed-up," said Tifa struggling to keep from crying.

"Why?"

"He didn't kiss me back." She related, her voice quavering.

"Oh," said Yuffie understandingly. "Did he say anything?"

"No. I basically ran away. He tried to say something this morning, but I was afraid of what he might say. What am I going to do, Yuffie? For the past few weeks it's been harder and harder for me to keep from doing something stupid like brushing my hand across his cheek. I think it's because he's been home so much more, and he's just so...Cloud. I can't resist him, even though I know he'll just pull away if I get too close. Then I go and do something stupid like this," Tifa was on the verge of hysterics.

"Tifa, just calm down...jeesh, I never thought I'd be the one saying that to you. You really do love him don't you?" Yuffie asked. Tifa was silent.

"OK, Teef, you're going to have to talk to him. Find out how he feels about you. Maybe he won't give you the answer you think he will."

"What, you mean that he loves Aeris and always will?" asked Tifa sarcastically.

"I don't know if he feels that way about her, but the only way you're gonna know is if you ask."

"What if he doesn't feel the same way?" asked Tifa fearfully.

"Then you'll have to figure out how the two of you can still be friends," said Yuffie wisely.

Tifa contemplated this. "Yeah. Yeah, you're right. I don't want to lose his friendship. He means too much to me. Thanks, Yuffie."

"No problem. Call me later and tell me how it goes."

"Sure, bye."

"Bye Tifa. Good luck."

Tifa hung-up the phone and pushed a stray piece of hair behind her ears. She felt much better after talking to Yuffie. Usually, she would try to figure out her problems on her own but today she had needed a fresh perspective and an understanding heart. She and Yuffie had become much closer over the years since their AVALANCE days. The ninja girl had matured a lot, but she was still hyper. Tifa often found Yuffie's enthusiasm endearing.

_How can we stay friends if he doesn't feel the same? _Thought Tifa. The thought of Cloud withdrawing from her life again almost made her go crazy.

He had been home constantly for an entire year already. He was only away from home when he left on business for his delivery service, _Strife Deliveries._ Sometimes he would get a haunted look, and Tifa knew that he was thinking about Aeris, the girl that he couldn't save. On those days Tifa would give him space, and he would mope around with a tormented look in his eyes, but he wouldn't leave like he used to. There were times when they didn't see him all day, but he came back every night.

Those months that Cloud had been gone last year, were some of the hardest months of her life. He left without a word and he didn't visit or return her calls. She worried herself sick over him. He could be dead or alive for all she knew, and she imagined all sorts of horrible things happening to him. She got word now and then from one of their friends that they had talked to him. Sometimes Tifa wondered if he was punishing himself for Aeris' death, or if he was punishing her for not being Aeris. Either way, she was the one that had to answer to two small children saying that she didn't know where Cloud was and that she was sure he still loved them.

She wasn't the only one who suffered from Cloud's absence. She hated the pitiful looks that Denzel had given her in between his bouts of unbearable pain from his geostigma. Marlene seemed the least affected by Cloud's absence; her concern seemed to be for Tifa and Denzel. She missed him of course, but with Tifa fighting depression and Denzel dying, Cloud seemed less important.

Tifa never wanted to experience that kind of worry and heartache again. She never wanted to have that dreadful feeling of crying yourself to sleep, only to be awoken by nightmares.

Tifa thought back to last night. Cloud had suggested that she should move out and move on with her life. "...get married," he'd said, as in, to someone else. Tifa shook her head. She was kidding herself, hoping that Cloud felt the same as she did. She'd gotten her answer last night, hadn't she? First he suggested she should move out, and then he didn't seem to respond in the slightest to her kiss. If he loved her, he wouldn't have acted that way. Still, she owed it to him to tell him what she was thinking.

Tifa absently picked-up a dishrag and began wiping the already spotless countertop. "Get a grip!" she groaned when she noticed what she was doing. "I just need to accept the fact that he doesn't love me and that I can either move on or end-up alone. Maybe Cloud was right. Maybe this would be for the best. "

"_I can deal with this,"_ thought Tifa. _"It's just that it's hard to be around him when I feel so strongly. I don't want things to weird between us. I'll leave if I have to. This is his home too and he shouldn't have to leave just because I messed-up. The kids just got him back; I can't take him away from them. I'll do it to preserve our friendship...just until things get better between us."_

The more she thought about it, the more it seemed like the only solution. The biggest problem was that Tifa wasn't sure that she would ever get over Cloud. She couldn't even remember thinking about anyone besides Cloud in that way. She was always waiting, wishing and hoping for him to come around. It had become a part of who she was. _There will be someone else_, she thought stubbornly, though her heart was sincerely refuting the idea.

Tifa was pulled from her thoughts as a familiar red-haired figure banged on the door. He motioned like he was drinking from an invisible glass. Tifa rolled her eyes and walked over to the door. "Sorry Reno, still got another hour before we open." Tifa turned on her heel and headed to the back room where she wouldn't have to see whatever angry looks he was giving her. "Such a drunk," she chuckled to herself.

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After he dropped the kids off at school, Cloud started on his delivery route. Lately, he'd only been taking a lot of local jobs. For whatever reason, he didn't feel much like going out of town. Today was the same, with the exception of a short trip to Kalm.

He found his thoughts flickering to Tifa, as they so often did. He remembered how it felt to be so close to her, and how soft she was. His chest tightened as he thought of her words from this morning. It was a mistake, she hadn't meant to kiss him and she wished she could take it back.

He shouldn't be surprised. Tifa had never thought of him that way. He knew that in her eyes, he had never been anything other than a friend.

"_Tifa, if you only knew what you are doing to me_," he sighed. His childhood friend from Nibelheim still had an inexplicable hold on him after all these years, though he doubted he would ever admit it.

You don't just come out and say "I love you," to a girl like Tifa Lockhart. She was too beyond his reach; you'd better have something to offer if you were going to make a move. Cloud felt he had nothing to offer her except more trouble and pain than he was worth. She deserved better. He'd been thinking about this for a few weeks, especially at times when he found himself most drawn to her.

He would stubbornly tell himself, "_She doesn't think of you that way. You're not right for her_." And that would be the end of that. With that kiss though, he wondered if he would ever be able to look at her again without thinking of it. He was glad now that he had been too shocked to kiss her back. It would have just added to the embarrassment of them both.

Cloud squinted as his motorcycle sped towards Kalm. "What the...?" He exclaimed. There was a large dark figure in the distance. Apparently it was speeding towards him.

"I guess now is a good time to test Denzel's theory." Cloud said, as he armed himself with his enormous sword and prepared for battle.

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A/N: Review and tell me what you think. Did it make sense? Was there too much dialogue?


	3. Chapter 3

Hi again. Sorry it took so long to get this chapter out. Hopefully it won't take so long next time.

Here and Gone

Chapter 3

Cloud revved his motorcycle forward, the figure in the distance drawing ever-nearer. From the dangerously-spiked hair and black clothes to the oversized sword that glinted menacingly in the sun, he was the image of intimidation. Cloud smirked; he was going to have some extra pocket change by the end of the day. Maybe, he'd buy something for Tifa and the kids with it. He rolled his motorcycle to a halt a good distance away from the beast and dismounted.

The creature also halted and glared at Cloud before releasing a ground-shaking roar. Cloud sized-up his enemy. It was just your typical land-lizard, not even a Bahamut-class dragon. The golden-haired warrior took his battle stance, not willing to take a chance that this dragon had something up its sleeve.

The dragon stood towering among the trees. Its skin was black like obsidian and the texture was that of gravel. The eyes and belly of the beast were yellow. Its size was comparable to a small two-story house. He reared on his hind legs and bellowed menacingly.

The dragon charged forward, aiming directly for Cloud. He dodged easily by launching himself into the air, and landing behind the dragon. The dragon screeched in rage and whipped-around to face Cloud. Cloud slashed across its chest drawing blood. The dragon faltered mid-step, but quickly regained its balance and charged again, seemingly telling Cloud it was going to take more than that.

The dragon tried to catch Cloud between his teeth, missed and lashed its tail as a deadly weapon. Cloud jumped on the tail and used its momentum to take a flying leap at the lizard's head. The slashes Cloud made only seemed to scratch the beast's tough skin and anger it further. Cloud used his beam blade limit.

The dragon slowed for once during the fight, and seemed to be in pain and shock from the attack. The warrior watched the beast for signs of retreat. Instead, it seemed to be filling with more aggression the closer it got to Cloud. The ground shook with every step of the monster. The fair-haired man decided that it was time to end this, he had deliveries to make.

The dragon cast "death" on Cloud, who dodged the spell and quickly slashed the dragon's rocky skin when he heard a shot ring through the air, and saw a flash of red from the corner of his eye.

"Vincent?" Cloud thought as he turned to the newcomer. The black-haired man glanced at him briefly before firing three more times. The monster crashed to the ground at the feet of the red-caped figure.

"Cloud," he stated nonchalantly.

Cloud felt a twinge of irritation that Vincent had shown up just in time to finish the fight, but decided to let it go.

"Vincent," Cloud responded. "How long have you been here?"

"I saw you drive-up. I figured you could handle it, but I thought I'd come anyway."

Cloud looked at the fallen monster as its body dissolved back into the lifestream. Killing things wasn't exactly Cloud's idea of fun, but maybe Vincent was a little different, he had been a Turk after all.

"Are you staying in Kalm?" Cloud asked.

Vincent nodded, "For now. I've got some business to attend to."

Cloud wondered what business Vincent could have, but knew better than to pry into the affairs of the other man.

"Me too," Cloud replied, heading back to his motorcycle. "I'm going there now. Need a lift?" he asked.

"No. I've got to do something else first." Vincent said.

Cloud nodded. "Well, if you need a place to stay when your business is finished, you could come to Edge. I'm sure Tifa would be glad to see you."

Vincent gave a curt nod, and Cloud started Fenrir. "Thanks for the help." Cloud said as he pulled away.

Seeing Vincent was an unusual occurrence. Usually, the ex-Turk kept to himself and the former members of Avalanche didn't hear from him or know his whereabouts. He seemed to like it that way.

Cloud drove into the quaint town. The town members glanced his way but soon returned to their lives. Cloud had always liked Kalm since the first time he visited a few years ago. He liked the small shops and the taverns. The people here seemed to be trying to live a simple life without worrying too much about the concerns of the world. It sort of reminded him of Nibelheim where he and Tifa grew-up, except that there was a feeling in Nibelheim that it was harboring darkness.

Cloud knew that he would probably never live in a place like this again. He felt that the time in his life that he could forget about the concerns of the world had passed. It was better to live in a place where he could keep an eye on things, in case he was ever needed again. He hated the feeling that he had to be on his guard at all times for the off chance that there arose a new threat to peace.

He needed that sense of control, no matter how small it was. He wanted to be able to feel that he was actively trying to protect Tifa and the children from harm. He felt a subconscious need to make-up for leaving them alone and unprotected over a year ago.

Cloud came to a stop in front of one of the stores. His thoughts reverted back to a certain ruby-eyed maiden.

Tifa...she needed to know that he understood what had happened last night and that everything was alright. Truthfully, he didn't really understand and he didn't think things would be the same between them for a while yet, but the sooner things started to feel normal between them the better. There had to be some way to keep himself from letting his mind wander to things he shouldn't be thinking about when he was near her. Of course there was, and if he couldn't manage it, then at least he could look like he could. The look of disinterest that he wore so often had been perfected years ago and had become quite a useful tool.

Cloud dismounted his motorcycle and strode into the store with the package. The owner looked up, "Ah, Mr. Strife. You're right on time."

Cloud pocketed the envelope of gil and started his motorcycle. The amount he got for delivering this one item equaled what he would get for the rest of his deliveries today put together. He was seriously contemplating whether or not he should start making out-of-town deliveries again. The pay was good, but was it worth it? _Nah_, he decided, it was better to be able to sleep in his own bed and be with the kids more often...and Tifa.

Cloud felt a pang of guilt. Even though he was taking only local jobs, he still wasn't around much. He missed them. That instant, Cloud decided that he was taking the rest of the day off. For once he was going to make it home for dinner. The thought of having a sit-down dinner like a real family raised his spirits considerably.

Getting home early would also give him a chance to talk to Tifa.

Cloud called Tifa to let her know what was going on.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Teef, it's me."

"Cloud? Is something wrong?"

Cloud could hear the concern in her voice.

"No." he replied, "Just a change of plans. I'm going to be home for dinner."

"Really?" she asked delightedly, "What about your jobs?"

"I'm canceling them, and don't worry about cooking. I'll bring something home."

"OK Cloud. See you tonight," She said happily.

"Yeah."

He flipped his phone shut.

Cloud marveled at how sometimes the smallest thing seemed to make her happy. He loved that smile of hers, the way it lit her eyes and happiness seemed to radiate from her, reaching him and caressing his soul. He found peace in that smile. What could he do to return that smile to her face?

He could bring her something. A flower, maybe? The only place around here to get flowers was the church. He turned his motorcycle in the direction of Midgar.

Cloud strode into the familiar church with a feeling of reverence. This was the place that he had met Aeris. It was also the only place in Midgar that grew flowers. Something had seemed to change after that last battle with Sephiroth and Kadaj. New life was starting to show itself all over the ruined city in the form of mosses and short grass. It must be the effects of Aeris' healing rain.

The hole in the floor was still filled with the pool of clear, cool water. The flowers weren't gone though; instead they grew outside around the edges of the run-down church. Cloud bowed his head respectfully as he thought of the girl with the bright green eyes and his laughing best friend. Memories of them were always bittersweet.

It used to be that Cloud couldn't think of Zack or Aeris without guilt gripping his heart and squeezing it until he felt he was going to burst. Now he could think of them with a feeling of loss and regret, but also gratefulness that he had had the opportunity to know them. Wherever they were, he knew that Aeris and Zack were taking care of each other.

He walked back outside to examine the flowers. They were the same as the last time he was here. The yellow and white blooms stretched towards the sun. Cloud knelt to pick one. "Just one Aeris, I promise," Cloud said aloud. A gentle breeze seemed to pick-up in response, gently swaying the flowers. Cloud saw movement of color in the corner of his eye and turned to look at it.

There it was. The flower meant for Tifa. It stood apart from the rest, but not far enough away to be separate from the group. It was a single red blossom in a sea of yellow and white. Cloud admired it for a moment then gingerly picked it. The stem of the flower was tall and strong, and there were two small red buds emerging from it. The petals were deep crimson and speckled with white. The center of the flower was a dark indigo. Cloud looked around. This was the only one of its kind, but he knew that this was the one he was looking for. "Thanks," he said looking to the sky and heading back to Fenrir.

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Cloud arrived home carrying two large bags of food from one of Tifa's favorite restaurants and a skillfully hidden flower.

Tifa smiled as Marlene jumped up and down excitedly and Denzel smiled brightly. Both children helped relieve Cloud of the bags of food and set them on the table.

"Are we really all gonna have dinner together?" Marlene asked Cloud who nodded and smiled.

Denzel started pulling the food from the bags and placing it on the table. "I can't remember the last time we had take-out. What's the special occasion Cloud?" Denzel asked curiously.

Cloud helped Denzel empty the bags. "I just think that Tifa could use a break from cooking, don't you?"

"Yeah!" Marlene exclaimed as she ran over to Tifa and hugged her legs. Tifa laughed and bent down to return the small girl's hug. Denzel nodded and grabbed Tifa's hand.

"You sit here," he offered, pulling out her chair, "We'll serve you tonight."

"And do the dishes!" Marlene added.

Tifa kissed Denzel on the cheek, and Cloud found himself fighting a blush as he wished he had thought to pull out Tifa's chair, and thus get the reward.

Cloud mentally berated himself for such thoughts and went to get the plates and silverware from the kitchen. As he set the dishes on the table, Tifa smiled up at him warmly but somewhat shyly.

_I can't believe Cloud did this_. Tifa thought. _It's so unlike him._ _I guess I shouldn't be surprised. He's changed a lot since he was healed from geostigma. He just seems more content, and willing to smile. _Tifa still couldn't get over the fact that seeing Cloud smile was no longer a rarity, but she still treasured it whenever she saw it. He deserved those moments to be happy.

Cloud grinned at her crookedly before taking his seat.

"Ok, Tifa, what do you want?" Denzel asked grinning broadly a serving fork in hand.

"Hmmm..." said Tifa thoughtfully, "I don't know, everything looks so good. You decide for me Denzel."

Denzel nodded and immediately started filling her plate with some of each. Tifa watched amusedly as her plate began to look like a small mountain. "Uh...thank you, that's plenty." she said as she took the plate from his hands. "You're welcome," Denzel replied proudly.

Denzel was the official server for the evening and needless to say, everyone had plenty.

Tifa waited until everyone was served, then Marlene said "Let's eat!"

When everyone had eaten their fill, Tifa got up and began to clear the dishes.

"No! No! No!" Marlene exclaimed, "You don't do the dishes tonight! We'll do them!"

"Oh, OK" Tifa said surprised and relinquished the plates to Marlene's small hands. Cloud and Denzel cleared the remains of the food and dishes off the table. Tifa stood next to the table looking lost without something to do.

While they were doing the dishes, Tifa wandered into the kitchen and began pulling ingredients out of the cupboard and refrigerator and setting them on the counter.

Marlene Denzel and Cloud all looked at her. "What are you doing?" Denzel asked peeking over the countertop.

Tifa looked at all of them a little sheepishly. "I'm making dessert." She said.

When they all gave her blank looks she shrugged and said, "Apple dumplings and ice cream, they should be done in half an hour."

Marlene tapped Cloud and said in a whisper, "I love apple dumplings." Cloud nodded conspiratorially, but Denzel stepped up and said, "We can take care of dessert, can't we Cloud?" Marlene smiled up at him.

Cloud looked down at the two children and knew that he was in way over his head. He didn't even know how to make decent scrambled eggs. Part of the beauty of living with Tifa was that he had never really had to learn. She seemed to enjoy cooking.

Cloud nodded his head slowly in defeat, and Denzel said "See? Cloud's got it covered. You can go read a book or something."

Tifa looked at the bewildered look on Cloud's face and had to cover her mouth with her hand to keep from laughing. She went to the cupboard and pulled out a cookbook. Flipping the pages, she found what she was looking for. Handing it to Cloud she said, "Here you go. The recipe is pretty simple. I think I took out most of the ingredients already." She patted Cloud on the shoulder reassuringly and smiled. "If you need anything, I'll be down in the bar."

Once Tifa left, Cloud began to examine the recipe. Unfortunately, he was unfamiliar with cookbooks and this was the first time that he was attempting to use one. He read and reread the recipe trying to make sense of the measurements and the directions. "Whisk? Tsp.? Fold? ...What?!?!" he thought exasperatedly.

He looked up to find two children watching him intently. "Uh..." he said, "you know, if we make apple dumplings, we'll just have more dishes to do." The children looked at each other, then back at Cloud. "I've got an idea. You two stay here and clean up those ingredients. I'll be right back." He grabbed the keys to Fenrir and vanished out the door.

He returned shortly with grocery bags. Marlene peeked in the bags and found four bakery-fresh apple dumplings and a carton of ice cream.

She looked up at Cloud, who was wearing a guilty expression.

"Why'd you buy them when we were gonna make them?" asked Denzel disappointedly.

Cloud bent down to Denzel's level and placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Can I tell you both a secret?" he asked in a low voice. Both children nodded, wide-eyed with anticipation.

"I can't cook, but don't tell Tifa." He revealed.

Marlene giggled and Denzel smiled. "We won't tell Tifa," Denzel said reassuringly and Marlene nodded.

"Tell me what?" Tifa asked lightly. The children looked to Cloud who had an expression of disinterest on his face. They followed his lead.

"Nothing," said Denzel coolly. Marlene was silent. Tifa walked over to the little girl and bent down in front of her and looked her in the eye.

"Tell me what, Marlene?" Tifa asked sweetly but seriously.

Marlene glanced at Cloud nervously, then back to Tifa. "I- I can't..." Marlene stuttered, "We promised not to tell!"

Tifa shook her head. "I guess a promise is a promise." She said. "Now I'll just have to get it out of someone who didn't make that promise."

Tifa turned her gaze to Cloud and smiled deviously.

"_Oh crap!"_ he thought. "_Just gotta play it cool. Act like I don't care_." he told himself mentally as Tifa sauntered over to him.

Tifa stood only a short distance away from him. She crossed her arms over her chest and tilted her head to the side slightly.

"Do you have something you want to tell me, Cloud?" she asked in a falsely sweet tone. Cloud remained stoic and shook his head. "Really?" she asked moving closer. Cloud tensed a little and took a step back, then remembered the groceries on the counter and shifted slightly so that they would remain hidden behind his back, which was against the countertop.

Tifa took another step closer, and Cloud panicked mentally. He didn't know how long he could hold out against Tifa when she was this close. He forced himself to adapt his gaze to look even more disinterested if possible.

"What are you hiding in that head of yours?" Tifa asked placing both hands on the sides of his face. Cloud didn't answer, he was too busy trying to keep his breathing steady and keep up his icy mask.

It was taking all of his effort. The moment extended awkwardly. Tifa removed her hands hastily and laughed embarrassed. "Uh..." she said clearing her throat, "so is dessert going to be done soon?" she asked, seemingly not noticing the suspiciously clean kitchen. "Yeah, real soon," said Denzel quickly pushing her out of the kitchen. "We'll bring it to you, just go sit down."

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Tifa nodded absently and sat in her chair. "_Ugh.." _she groaned inwardly_. "What was I thinking?"_ She remembered that vacant look in Cloud's eyes when she was close to him. That look was not the stuff of romance novels. It was just more evidence to add to her extensive list that meant that Cloud didn't love her.

---------------------

Meanwhile back in the kitchen, three troublemakers were sighing in relief that they didn't get caught.

"That was close!" Marlene exclaimed.

"That was so cool Cloud! Can you teach me how to make my face like that?" Denzel asked impressed.

"Yeah, sure," Cloud replied a little warily at the strange request. He placed the dumplings in the microwave and asked Marlene to scoop some ice cream into bowls.

They then took the food to the table. Tifa looked at the bowl placed before her. "Wow, you guys!" she exclaimed, a sparkle in her eye, "These look great! I didn't know you could cook."

Cloud, Marlene and Denzel exchanged glances. "I can't," Cloud admitted reluctantly, "I got them from a bakery a few minutes ago."

He looked ashamed but Tifa laughed and said, "Oh. Is that what you three were keeping from me?"

Cloud nodded and Tifa patted his arm. "I don't care if you can cook or not. What you did was nice. All of you. Tonight was lovely." She took a bite of her ice cream and Cloud thought she looked happy.

--------------------------

Tifa put the kids to bed and Cloud offered to finish up the dishes.

She found herself wandering back up to the roof. Soon she wouldn't be able to spend a lot of time up here because of the change in season and she wanted to make the most of it. She had started coming up here when Cloud left over a year ago. Stars had a special meaning for her. They reminded her of Cloud and some of her dearest memories of him.

She remembered when the children had bought the hammock for her with Barret's help. They had found her asleep on the roof a few times, and a hammock was a very sweet gesture on their part. Once Cloud returned, she rarely came up on the roof until lately. Today she had dragged a blanket up with her and was sitting cross-legged on it.

She heard footsteps behind her and her heartbeat sped up. She pulled her knees to her chest and closed her eyes. She didn't know how this conversation was going to go, but she had an idea.

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A/N: That was quite a long chapter. It was going to be longer, but I just had to split it up. I am happy to finally be able to put it up. Anyway, tell me what you think. Hate it, like it? If you do hate it tell me why and maybe I can fix it. Also, I'd love to hear about what you thought was good. Review, pretty please!


	4. Chapter 4

Hello again. Apparently, I am terrible at getting a chapter out in a timely fashion. Thanks to everyone who has been leaving reviews. They make me want to keep going even when I have writer's block. I have some serious doubts about some things in this chapter, so be sure to review. Love Y'all.

Here and Gone

Chapter 4

I hereby dub this story disclaimed. I don't own Final Fantasy VII.

Tifa wrapped her arms around her knees hugging them tightly. Cloud grinned inwardly at the gesture that seemed to define Tifa. Youthful and innocent yet somewhat guarded.

He walked towards her and cleared his throat. She opened her eyes and looked up at him.

He settled down on the floor beside her.

"You know Cloud," she stated, not looking at him, "There is enough room on this blanket for both of us. "

"Right," he said stiffly as he moved nearer.

"It's starting to get cold," she said she said as a shiver ran up her spine. "I guess fall is coming."

Cloud wished he could offer her a coat or something, but he didn't have one.

"Let's go inside," he said, standing and offering her a hand.

"Aw, c'mon Cloud. Just a little longer," she replied playfully, grabbing his hand and pulling him back down. The two sat in silence enjoying the company.

"Thanks for tonight," she said gazing at him through thick lashes.

Cloud looked over at her. There was something about the way she was looking at him, something unfamiliar and yet thrilling. His thoughts flicked back to when she had kissed him, he quickly forced his mind back to the present. His voice caught in his throat, and he could only grunt in reply and nod his head. He glanced at something in his hand and grimaced a little. It was wilted.

"Cloud, what is that?" She asked leaning forward to get a better look.

"Nothing," he replied hastily moving it out of her view.

"Hmmm..." said Tifa in disbelief. She didn't feel like pushing the issue.

Cloud looked at the flower and sighed, he had gone out of his way to get it and now it was wilted.

He shook his head, and then offered it to her.

"Is this...for me?" she asked.

Cloud nodded and scratched the back of his head uncomfortably.

"Thank you." Tifa's smile reflected in her eyes.

"I should have put it in water," Cloud offered.

"No. Well, yes, but don't worry about it. I love it just the way it is." _I should just tell him how I feel, _she thought.

Cloud felt a grin twitching in the corners of his mouth as he watched Tifa gaze at the blossom.

"Cloud, this flower, it's so beautiful. I have never seen anything like it. Where did you find it?"

"I found it at her church. It was the only one," he said softly.

Tifa rocked a little, like a young girl. She should have known.

"Oh," she said, noticing the misty look that Cloud seemed to get whenever Aeris was mentioned. She could never blame him for missing Aeris when she missed her too. Tifa followed Cloud's gaze to the stars.

"I feel her all the time," he said, "watching over me."

"I know," she replied simply, she couldn't help feeling deflated as the conversation she was hoping to have was derailed. "She will never be forgotten," she continued in a respectful tone. "She sacrificed everything so we could have...all of this," She said motioning to the city view that stretched out before them. "She was a hero."

"She wasn't just a hero," Cloud said, his voice full of emotion. "She was a great person, a great friend."

Cloud couldn't bring himself to say her name. It had been three years and yet, sometimes the pain of her memory still seemed so fresh. Cloud had never spoken to anyone about Aeris before. Somehow, it seemed that right now with Tifa he was letting his guard down. He looked at the woman beside him and felt warmth rising to his cheeks. This was Tifa. She was strong, beautiful, and caring. He could be at ease with her. He trusted her completely.

Tifa looked over at Cloud, her heart bursting with sentiment for her lost friend and for the spiky-haired man beside her. Cloud seemed overcome by some emotion that he was trying to hide.

Realization started to creep into her thoughts. _Aeris...loved him. He still loves her. He's never going to be able to live a normal life with anyone else because he'll never be over her. _

She had thought that maybe Cloud was ready to start to really live. Maybe he could move past all of the bad things that had happened. She was wrong. Too much had happened; Cloud was going to stay in that protective wall that he had built around himself forever. Even if he knew how she felt, he wouldn't be able to reciprocate; he was still clinging to the love of the flower girl.

Rationally, she shouldn't even feel loss for Cloud, because at that moment she knew that he was never hers. But it felt as though she were quietly, quietly sinking in a pool of dark clear water. However foreign it felt to her, she was giving up without a fight; there was no reason to fight when the rival had already won.

She didn't want to think about that too much. It wasn't as if her life was a tragedy. She was alive, and healthy, and she had lots of friends. Most importantly, she and Cloud were still friends. After all, he had brought her this flower and was being gentlemanly about how stupid she had been last night. All she had to do now was be mature and accept the fact that you don't always get what you want.

Tifa sighed inwardly. Cloud was still looking at the stars. It would be insensitive to talk to Cloud about her feelings when he was remembering Aeris. It would be a betrayal of Aeris' memory.

Still, she was glad that Cloud was finally opening up to her about his feelings. He rarely did that. He would normally just hold his emotions inside and brood. If Aeris was what he wanted to talk about, she could go along with that, but she didn't want to be drudging up painful memories.

Tifa sat thoughtfully for a moment, thinking of something cheerful to lift Cloud's spirits. She didn't know if she would be able to put on a cheerful face when she felt so dejected.

Cloud could tell Tifa was thinking about something intensely by the way her gaze was focused on her shoes. He could see the thought process as her expression changed from melancholy concentration to a small smile. He wondered what was going through her mind, but didn't have the courage to ask. He didn't have to wait long for her to look up at him.

"Do you remember that time that we stowed away on that ship?" Tifa asked, her eyes sparkling at the remembrance.

"Yes," he replied, his attention piqued, at this seeming change of topic.

Tifa went on, "Aeris told me that she could never resist a man in uniform. She even told me that she thought Barret looked good in that sailor uniform." She said giggling.

"What?" Cloud asked shocked, "You mean that uniform that made him look like a bear wearing a marshmallow suit?"

Tifa nodded and giggled.

Cloud chuckled. "Who would've thought?" he said. "And what did you think?" Cloud asked curiously.

"Oh. Well, I thought that none of us were really cut out to be sailors, but I favored Nanaki. He was just so cute!" Tifa said playfully.

"I seem to recall that someone else didn't look too bad in that sailor suit either." Cloud teased giving her a sideways glance.

Tifa's cheeks colored slightly. "_What does he mean?_" she thought uncomfortably.

"Do you remember that Chocobo that got attached to her?" Tifa asked, clearly looking for a change of subject.

"I almost forgot about that," he said with a small smile. "What was his name?"

"Rocky," said Tifa, "He was supposed to be my chocobo, but Aeris used to give him treats when I wasn't looking. He would follow her around when he wasn't tied down, and wark if he couldn't get near her."

They both chuckled.

"Wasn't her chocobo called Muffin?" he asked.

"No," Tifa replied laughing, "Hers was called Daisy. She renamed mine "Muffin," because she thought it was cuter." She sighed in mock exasperation. "He never did answer to Rocky after that."

"Is that the one that was chasing her that you had to cast "frog song" on?" Cloud asked.

"Yep, that's the one." She replied.

Cloud was laughing, really laughing. Tifa felt a tug at her heart; this is the Cloud she wanted to see. The feeling was bittersweet. To Tifa it was absolutely worth it to see Cloud so happy, even if it meant that Aeris was the topic of conversation. It seemed that Aeris would always be the subject that was looming between them. Tifa couldn't tell if Aeris was a wedge that was driving them apart or if she was bringing the two of them closer together.

"She did have a way of capturing someone's attention," Cloud said with a half smile as their laughter died down.

Tifa nodded. She knew only too well. "You think about her often?" Tifa asked, but she said it as more of a statement.

Cloud was thoughtful for a moment. "She was something else," he replied with a tone of admiration. "I've never met anyone else like her. She was too good for this world," he said sadly, "I failed her."

Tifa didn't know how to answer. At once, her stomach knotted; she forced herself to place a hand on his shoulder to let him know she was there for him.

Whatever hope that had remained that Cloud didn't love Aeris was extinguished. All desire to confess her love to Cloud drifted away. She could be his friend and she would support him forever, but she couldn't stay. It was too painful for her. It was for the best.

Tifa felt dread rising within her, she wished there was another way to do this. She inhaled shallowly, and tried to build up her confidence. She placed her face in her hands, the chill air making her shiver.

"Are you alright?" Cloud asked with concern.

Tifa nodded, her face still in her hands.

Cloud shook his head. Tifa didn't look alright to him. "Come on, Tifa. Let's go in," he said placing a hand on her shoulder.

"No...just..." Tifa stammered.

Her heart was beating wildly. She couldn't bear to look at him, even though she didn't know how many more moments like this she would have with him.

Cloud watched her regain her composure. It was as if the girl before him was transforming. All traces of anxiety were replaced with a veil of self-control. "_It must be her training as a martial artist," _he thought.

"I thought about what you said," Tifa spoke calmly after time had passed. Cloud looked at her blankly.

"About me leaving to have a life," she said. Cloud seemed to tense a little. These were not words he wanted to be hearing.

"I think it's a really good idea," She continued, "In fact, I've already decided that I am leaving."

Cloud felt dizzy. He could hardly force air into his lungs.

"When?" he choked out.

"This week," she replied.

Cloud felt like he had been hit square on the chest with a bag of bricks. Tifa was leaving? No. She couldn't. He wouldn't let her. He felt himself forcing down the panic that was rising in his chest.

"No!" he said harshly and firmly.

"What?" asked Tifa confused. This was not a reaction she expected. Cloud's eyes looked strange, like there was something inside him that was threatening to break free beneath his calm exterior.

Cloud looked at her beautiful face that held some unrecognizable emotion and thought that he would give her whatever she wanted. Even if what she wanted was to leave, to go somewhere else, and be with _someone else_.

Cloud cleared his throat, embarrassed at his previous outburst. "What about Denzel and Marlene?" he asked straining to keep his voice normal.

Tifa felt her heart sinking. "I'll stay close. I'll see them often. They won't even notice I'm gone." She mumbled trying to convince herself.

Cloud could only nod numbly. So this was it. She had made her decision. The only thing he could do was support her. Cloud clenched and released his fists in an effort to de-stress.

The brunette looked at him to try to figure out what he was thinking. His face was fairly emotionless, except for an almost unnoticeable frown, but his shoulders were rigid. What did she expect? He never did say anything unless he felt the need. A tiny part of her had hoped that maybe he would try to convince her to stay.

She sighed and pulled her ample locks over her shoulder and began a simple braid. She felt the need to be doing something with her hands.

Tifa's irritation was growing at her own lack of eloquence. This was just her and Cloud, the same as when they talked about battles or the kids, or any ordinary thing. Why couldn't she ever just come out and say what she was feeling?

She pushed herself to her feet abruptly. "Well, good night," she said quickly.

"Tifa..." he called. It was so quiet she almost didn't hear it.

"Yes?"

Cloud stood and pulled the blanket from the ground. "You almost forgot this," he said wrapping it around her shoulders.

"Oh. Thanks," She said looking at his bright eyes that even darkness couldn't seem to dim. For a moment her resolve faltered. It was amazing how such a small act of kindness from Cloud could leave her doubting her decision. Then she remembered that no matter how physically close he seemed, he was always somewhere else.

"Umm...sleep well," she intoned, turning quickly and starting down the stairs.

"Yeah," he replied, watching her retreat. A deep feeling of unhappiness settled in his stomach. He was suddenly feeling reckless.

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A/N: I hope you liked it. I struggled with it for a good long while. For the most part I like it, but I am still questioning if it all makes sense, and it's not too cheesy. Let me know what you think, all comments are appreciated to help me become a better writer.


	5. Chapter 5

2/14/07

A.N: I know. I'm horrible at updating and you all hate me. Please forgive me; I'm going to try to be better. On the upside, HOORAY a new chapter! Thank you all for the lovely reviews! They remind me that I have an obligation to you all to continue this story, (and make me feel fuzzy inside).

I do not own Final Fantasy VII. This story if for entertainment purposes only.

**Here and Gone**

**Chapter 5**

Tifa avoided her reflection in the mirror as she brushed her teeth. It wasn't that she thought that she was unattractive; it was more that she couldn't stand to see what was beyond her reflection. She didn't want to see all her faults and unhappiness glaring at her accusingly for not being able to convince Cloud he needed her.

As she rinsed out her mouth, she ventured a glance at her reflection, but quickly averted her eyes. She did indeed look tired and unhappy. She couldn't stand that frailty that she had in herself. She knew that everyone relied on her to be cheerful and strong. That was one of the reasons she had to leave, so she could return to her old self.

Wrestling with her feelings for Cloud everyday was wearing her out. Dragging a brush through her hair, she wished that they would just go away. She was fully aware that things didn't work like that. You loved who you loved and you couldn't help it. That was why she couldn't stay mad at Cloud.

The dark-haired fighter supposed her spiky-haired friend could be admired for his steadfastness in love, but she didn't want to end up like him. She saw how much he struggled to live a normal life, as he battled what she assumed were his feelings of love and guilt for the flower girl. It was like he had closed himself off to everyone else while waiting for a woman who would never return.

She supposed that all these years she has been like Cloud. Never had thoughts of anyone but Cloud crossed her mind. The girl from Nibelheim had spent so much energy being hopeful that one day he would notice her. Hopeful that one day he would realize that she has always been right there, waiting for him. She never let anyone else get close to her. She had been alone, waiting for someone she would never have. _"Yeah," _she thought a little bitterly. _"We're the same." _

As Tifa crawled into her bed, she stated that she wasn't going to be like him anymore. She was going to get out of this place, and put a little distance between herself and Cloud, and hopefully between her feelings and herself. She welcomed the softness and comfort of her mattress.

Sleep couldn't come. It lingered near Tifa's pillow but never touched her because her thoughts swatted it away. As much as she wanted to be rid of these troublesome feelings for Cloud, she couldn't help but feel sadness pressing into her breast. The tired girl knew that once she stepped out that door, things would never be the same again.

Everything would change. She wouldn't be around to witness that rare smile from Cloud anymore. She would miss the awkward moments that he would spend trying to give advice when Denzel or Marlene asks him a question. She wouldn't see him struggle everyday to show that he's ok. Days spent worrying about whether Cloud is really ok when he goes in his room and shuts the door for hours would be over. Dinner for four wouldn't be her concern any longer. She'd be free from all those daily cares and tasks, and the thought made her unbelievably sad.

Denzel and Marlene's young faces crossed her thoughts last of all. What would it be like to not be able to watch them sleep? Would they still have crazy bed-head in the mornings if she wasn't there to see it? Would Cloud be the one to snuggle with them as he read them a bedtime story and tucked them in? _"I can't remember what life was like before them…" _she reflected, pulling the blanket closer to her chin.

"_Just because I leave, it doesn't mean that I'm going to miss a second of them growing-up. I'm going to be there when Marlene gets her first crush and Denzel gets his driver's license. I'm going to be there for them, for everything. They can still rely on me." _Tifa vowed to herself silently. _"Besides, this will be better for everyone. I've been letting myself get too distracted from my responsibilities lately. Once I stop feeling so deeply for Cloud I can be a better friend to him. I can be there for him when he needs me, rather than letting my own selfish desires get in the way. I'll also be able to concentrate more on Denzel and Marlene's needs. If I can overcome my weakness and selfishness, I will be a better person. Then maybe someday, if I'm lucky, I will find someone who loves me the way I love Cloud."_

The thought of leaving her precious ones soon drew Tifa from her bed. Wrapping her blanket around her shoulders as a barrier to the night air, she opened her door and tiptoed into the hall with the intention of checking on Marlene and Denzel.

Just as she was about to enter their room, another sound drew her attention"Cloud?" She whispered drawing nearer to the source of the noise.

Cloud leaned over the roof's ledge slightly. He had been up here for a long time after Tifa left, replaying the conversation, wondering if he had said something to bring about Tifa's change in attitude.

Gods, this was so frustrating! His life had just taken a turn for the worst and there was nothing that he could do about it. He had sworn to himself over and over that he would stay away from Tifa because she deserved better than him. The fact remained that he was willing to do anything for her. He would let her leave. He would sacrifice his own comfort and happiness so Tifa could have a chance at her own happiness.

The former AVALANCHE member didn't question whether or not this was what she really wanted because it made perfect sense to him. He reasoned that the life they had made together simply wasn't enough, so she decided to search the wide world for something more. Not necessarily more than their family collectively, just more than him. She wanted someone who could give her more, a real relationship. He didn't hold any kind of grudge towards her wanting to leave. He had been expecting that she would want to someday.

He didn't even want to think about what would happen once Tifa left him alone with the kids.

The blonde stretched, trying to ease some of the tenseness in his muscles. Standing around wasn't helping him feel any better. His body was screaming for him to do something active to relieve the stress. He had to get out. There was no way that he could let Tifa see how distressed he was over the idea of her leaving. He needed to show her that whatever happened he could handle it, because otherwise she would worry. If she was worried about them she would put aside her own wishes and stay. He knew that about her, she would put them before herself. There was no way he was going to let her do that this time. Before he could put up that facade, he had to de-stress.

He stalked down the stairs, and then remembered that maybe he ought to be a little quieter. He went into his room to grab a few things. He didn't know how long it would take him to get back into his right mind, and he wanted to be prepared. _I probably won't need all this stuff,_ he thought looking at his bag of supplies, but he decided to bring it all anyway.

Tifa heard heavy footsteps and the front door closing. She froze listening for a moment, then she heard a familiar growl; Fenrir.

She quickly padded down the stairs in her bare feet, and cautiously opened the front door in time to see the tail light of Cloud pulling away on his motorcycle.

She shut the door softly, not even waiting to see where he went. Fatigue finally seemed to seep into her veins. She ached for Cloud. She didn't know why this act of him leaving left her feeling so desolate. He had left before and she had survived. This time she felt like something inside of her had finally broken. She wasn't surprised that she felt so drained. She had been stressing herself out lately.

The brunette stood staring at the door for several minutes, emotions flickering in her reddish brown eyes. Then suddenly, for some reason, she couldn't bring herself to care much where he was anymore. He just needed to come back to that she could get out of here. She sat on one of her bar stools, with the blanket tightly wrapped around her shoulders. _Not this time,_ she thought. _Cloud's not leaving **me** this time. _And she finally drifted off to sleep, her head rested on the counter-top.

Sitting astride his motorcycle, he felt a twinge of guilt to be leaving again. Would he ever be able to figure out his problems while staying put? He shook his head and started Fenrir. Maybe someday, but that day was not today. The road was calling to him. He didn't know where he was going, but he wanted to be alone. Maybe he just wanted to bust stuff, but whatever he wanted, it was away from here.

He pulled away, slowly at first, but gathering speed the further he got from the city.

Cloud pulled up in front of the old church. He sighed heavily. Irritation grew within his chest that the first thing that he did was run away to Aeris' church. Did he really feel safer here or did he feel confined here. Away from the world and the ones he loved; maybe coming to the church was a form of self-punishment. He couldn't escape himself here. Sure, he could escape everything that was living and breathing, but he couldn't escape himself and his shortcomings when he was wrapped within these walls. Cloud imagined that many others before him had come here to rehash their own guilt in their minds, and to confess, much like he did when he came here. The question was whether he ever really felt better after carefully analyzing everything that he found disdainful about himself.

It was nothing against Aeris, it was just that the healing that he may have found in this dilapidated building dissipated when the living angel was taken to the "Promised Land." The blonde man had a right mind to leave directly and try to forget that he had even thought of coming here, but he couldn't just leave without paying his respects.

He dismounted reluctantly and ventured inside. The scent was so familiar, and the building still held some dignity even though it was falling apart. Cloud walked to the edge of the pool and peered in. The moonlight reflected in the dark shimmering waters. He had forgotten about this. The water was so tranquil, like her presence. The thought just made him more uncomfortable as his faults stared him blaringly in the face.

Cloud dropped to his knees near the edge of the pool. Escaping his own judgment wasn't as easy as he thought. The reflection staring back at him was the man that didn't deserve Tifa. Every time that the thought crossed his mind that he didn't know what he'd do if he didn't have Tifa, he would remember what he was, what Shinra had made him. He would remember what he had done, and the sins that he had nearly committed. All those things made him unworthy of someone as kind-hearted and good as Tifa. He remembered that she had stood by him in all those things that he had done. She had believed in him and helped him, and had been willing to risk her life for him. That was why he didn't deserve her. How could he embrace her when his hands were so blood-stained?

Because of his past, he would never really be free from the grips of Shinra and Sephiroth. Shinra may be gone, but those who were behind it were not. There would always be something lurking and ready to come find him.

He didn't want that to be a part of Tifa's life anymore. She didn't deserve his troubles. He had thought of leaving permanently.

The idea of removing himself and his troubles from Tifa and the children's lives was appealing. Without him to draw the villains ever-nearer, they would almost assuredly be safe. Each time he convinced himself to leave, he would think of another reason to stay.

The fair-haired warrior remembered what it was like to be alone for all those months, without the sounds of laughter and the smell of a home-cooked meal or a smile when he got home from work. There had been no bright eyes that made him feel that everything would be okay. He had simply been alone. It had been somewhat of a relief that he didn't have anyone to be responsible for other than himself, but there had been a never-ending dull ache in his chest that made life less worth living.

If he had been a braver man he would have left a long time ago. He wasn't brave. Cloud could not bring himself to leave those he held so dear, and face that demon called loneliness again. Instead, he stayed as close to home as possible. He never went out of town if he could help it, and he secretly came to think of himself as a family man. He never forgot for a minute that when it came to Tifa, he just didn't deserve her.

It was kind of ironic, wasn't it? Cloud had finally found himself a home and a family after all of those years of searching, and the person who had made it feel like home was leaving. He could almost laugh that something like this would happen to him.

Sighing heavily, he laid his traveling blanket on the remains of the wooden floor and tried not to think of that other time when he had felt so lonely knowing that he would have to live the rest of his life without Tifa.

Tifa was awakened by a soft pat at her shoulder. She opened her eyes to find Denzel's blue eyes peering at her. "What are you doing down here Tifa?" he asked curiously.

She shook her head a bit, trying to dispel her drowsiness. "Uh..." she barely stifled a yawn. "I guess I just fell asleep."

Denzel looked at her like he already knew that answer. "Oh, where's Cloud? He's not in his room."

Tifa shook her head bitterly. "I don't know," she said non-chalantly, "probably left early for work or something. So Denzel what do you want for breakfast this morning?" she asked cheerily hoping to distract the boy from Cloud's absence.

Denzel's brow was furrowed, and he was staring distractedly out the window. A small line creased Tifa's forehead as she watched him.

"Don't worry Denzel, he'll be back," she said kindly, "Now, what do you want for breakfast? You get to pick. Anything at all, how about it?"

Denzel's mood seemed to brighten as he climbed onto one of the bar stools. "Anything?" he asked, a gleam in his eye.

Tifa began to question whether telling him that he could have _anything_ for breakfast was really a wise choice of words. "Well, something that can be prepared and eaten before school." She responded, thinking that that would limit his choices considerably.

Denzel furrowed his brow again, this time in concentration. Marlene walked in and sat on the stool beside him. "Morning, Tifa," The small girl said from behind the counter, swinging her legs.

"Morning," Tifa responded, as she poured orange juice for herself and the kids.

Marlene looked at Denzel for a moment, and had just opened her mouth to speak when Denzel exclaimed. "I've got it!"

"Got what?" asked a puzzled Marlene.

"I definitely want eggs for breakfast." He proclaimed crossing his arms.

Tifa gave him an amused look, while Marlene looked at him as if he were crazy.

"What?" Marlene asked.

"Tifa said that we could have whatever I wanted for breakfast, and I want eggs."

Marlene's eyes widened in unbelief. "She said you could have whatever you wanted and you chose eggs?" Marlene couldn't believe her ears. "Why didn't you try something that we don't have everyday?"

"Like what?"

"Like waffles smothered in whipped cream and strawberries and bananas and chocolate syrup and marshmallows and M&M's." Marlene replied with a dreamy look in her eye.

"Oh," replied Denzel abashedly, "You're right! Tifa…" he exclaimed authoritatively, "…I have decided that we will have what Marlene said."

The motherly young woman shook her head. She should have known that this was coming. "Um guys," she replied, "while that concoction of yours sounds great, it's not really breakfast food. Can you think of anything else?"

The kids looked crestfallen, but they weren't giving up that easily.

"Oh, please Tifa! We never get to eat anything like that for breakfast. Cloud would let us. Puh-leeeeese Tifa."

Tifa looked down at the two munchkins that were now clinging to her arms trying to look angelic. She decided she could compromise a little. "Alright..." she sighed reluctantly.

"Yessss!" they exclaimed simultaneously, high-fiving each other.

"We can have waffles with whipped cream and strawberries or maple syrup. No M&M's or chocolate sauce or anything like that, got it?"

"Yep!" Marlene exclaimed as she grabbed Denzel's hand and dragged him away to go play for a little while before breakfast.

"Those two..." Tifa chuckled to herself as she busied herself in the kitchen. They really were bright spots in her life. Doubts began to creep into her mind again. Was she really doing the right thing by leaving? Just because they wouldn't be living together didn't mean that she would love them any less, or that she wouldn't be a major part of their lives anymore, did it? Tifa shook her head "no," as she reaffirmed to herself that no matter what, she would be a part of their lives and she would make sure that they knew how much she loved them.

Tifa walked the kids to school as usual. She laughed at all of their jokes, and held their hands, and smiled when Marlene started singing an extremely repetitive song that she had learned from the other girls in her grade. The one thing she wanted right now was to memorize their happy faces, and store it away in her mind so that she could think of them whenever she felt lonely. Tonight she would have to tell them that she was leaving.

The dark-haired girl was surprised to see a familiar motorcycle parked outside the bar after she had dropped the kids off at school. Her heart did a flip-flop in her chest. Did she really want to see him or was she just a masochist?

She stepped hesitantly through the door. "Cloud?" she called, her voice ringing through the halls.

"Yeah, Teef," She heard him answer from the kitchen. She walked in to find him leaning against the counter with a bowl of food in his hand. Her hand subconsciously clutched at her chest. She almost had to leave as she felt her heart constricting with sadness at the sight of him. Regaining her self-control, she looked at him coldly.

Cloud averted his gaze uncomfortably. "I uh, I'm back…" he said quietly.

Tifa nodded and turned to leave.

"Tifa…" Cloud called almost pleadingly, stopping Tifa in her tracks. "I'm sorry that I left last night. I just had to think."

The young woman tugged on her hair uncertainly, before turning to look at him again with expectant almost hopeful eyes.

Cloud set his bowl on the counter, and took a step towards her, but stopped when he noticed that for some reason she flinched slightly. He smiled faintly, trying to be more convincing as he continued. "I just want to tell you that I'm ok with this…with you leaving. I think I can handle it, so don't worry."

Mr. Chocobo-head didn't notice the emotions of sadness then anger that flitted across her face as she clenched her fists.

"That's great Cloud," She said sweetly, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I need to get ready to open the bar." Tifa turned on her heel, and as gracefully as she could muster, she stomped up the stairs to take a shower.

All the while, poor Cloud stood there with a confused look on his face. He decided to venture up the stairs to tell Tifa that he was leaving for work when he heard the door slam, and changed his mind.

"Ah, uh, I guess I'll see her later…" he said to himself and left to make deliveries.

Twenty minutes later Tifa was straightening up the bar and still fuming from her encounter with Cloud.

"That's great…just great! Just come on out and tell me that it doesn't make a difference to you whether I'm here or not! You can _manage,_" seethed Tifa.

She stopped wiping the counter mid-stroke as the thought occurred to her. _"Of course…what did you expect? That's the **reason** you're leaving." _

The young woman sighed and sat down at the bar with her head in her hands. What was wrong with her?

Her thoughts were interrupted by the phone ringing. _"What now?" _she thought vaguely as she picked-up the receiver.

"Tifa! Hey girl!" chirped a familiar voice.

"Oh, Yuffie!" Exclaimed Tifa as she recognized her friend's voice.

"Yep. The one and only. What happened to you? You were supposed to call me after you talked with Spiky."

"Oh, sorry," The pretty bartender said blandly.

"Gawd, Tifa!" exclaimed Yuffie, "Are you ok? You sound dead! What happened last night?"

"I just…I realized that things are never going to happen for me and Cloud, so I need to get away from him. I just need some space from him right now. I told him I'm leaving."

"Aw, Teef. I really thought it was gonna happen for you guys. You know, epic love and happily ever after and all that. I'm so sorry. You must be heartbroken."

"I…I don't know. I've never been heartbroken before. Is this what it feels like?" asked Tifa, tears pricking her eyes as relief swelled within her that she didn't have to be alone.

"You know what? I'm gonna give that Cloud a piece of my mind! He'll be sorry he ever hurt you! I've been wanting to for a long time, you know, ever since that whole geostigma thing. The only reason I didn't is 'cause you asked me not to. This time he has just gone too far!" ranted the ninja-girl.

"Yuffie, no! Please don't! I would prefer if you just let Cloud and I handle this," Tifa pleaded. "Besides, he didn't really do anything wrong. He can't help who he loves."

"…," Yuffie was silent.

"Please, Yuff?" asked Tifa.

"Alright," answered the younger girl begrudgingly.

"Thank you."

"Just one thing Tifa…promise you'll take care of yourself? I want to hear the old cheerful, optimistic Tifa again. You sound too sad. It's making me worry,"

"Sure," responded Tifa unconvincingly.

"What's that? I know that tone, you don't mean it at all. I guess I'll just have to be the one who reminds you what it's like to be happy. Pack your bags, because in a few days I'll be there to pick you up." Chattered Yuffie excitedly.

"Huh? What are you talking about?" asked Tifa.

"We're going to Costa del Sol! So get ready to party!" said Yuffie jubilantly.

"Yuffie, no. I can't, I'm busy."

"Yes you can Tifa! I know you! You'll wear yourself out thinking of how sad you are, then, on top of that you'll take care of everyone but yourself. You'll just run yourself into the ground, and you won't stop until you make yourself sick. We're going! A vacation is just what you need. You said it yourself; you need to get away from that Chocobo-head."

Tifa sighed, and reluctantly accepted Yuffie's offer. She could be very convincing.

"Great! See you in a few days! Bye!" yelled the hyper-active ninja happily.

Tifa thought about what Yuffie had said. Maybe she was right. Maybe she did need a real break, a chance to get a change of scene and not have to worry about running into Cloud. The more she thought of it, the more satisfied she became with the idea. Yeah, this could be just what she needed.

Cloud wished that he could be home just to watch Tifa as she went about her daily chores and spend a little more time with her. He didn't know how far away she was moving, or how often he would get to see her once she was gone. It was for the best, the man supposed. She didn't seem like she wanted him around much anyway. He couldn't remember the last time that Tifa had gotten really mad at him. Thinking back, he didn't think that Tifa had ever slammed a door in her life, especially since she scolded the children whenever they did it.

Every other time that Tifa had been mad, she would go clean something, or take a walk, or sit in her room and then she would eventually forgive him. This time it seemed like a different kind of anger. She was never so cold to him before. She seemed different today, like she was about to burst, and Cloud didn't know why.

He was concerned for her well-being as he drove to make his deliveries. Something was eating her up inside. Maybe she just hated him. The thought struck him. Hate him? Would she really? He knew she wanted to get away, but did she really feel that way towards him? He couldn't bear it. He had to make it right, but he really couldn't get off work right now, especially since he had skipped a few deliveries yesterday. He wanted to be near her, but it seemed she didn't want to be around him. What was he going to do?

Speaking of which, he had to make sure he told her he couldn't be home for dinner. Maybe he could talk to her then. Even if she was going to leave, he couldn't let her leave hating him.

Tifa answered the phone quickly. "Seventh Heaven,"

Cloud was relieved that her voice seemed cheerful; maybe she didn't hate him after all. "Tifa, it's me. I just wanted to let you know that I'll be late getting home, so don't hold dinner on my account."

Tifa was quiet for a moment then, "Ok. I won't. Thanks for calling. "

Cloud was puzzled by her formality. "Alright, well, I guess I'll see you tonight."

"Sure. Oh, and Cloud, there's something I need to tell you when you get home."

Cloud wondered what it could be. "Sure thing, Teef. Talk to you later."

"Bye."

Tifa decided that she wasn't going to let it bother her that Cloud had called to say that he was, once again, going to miss dinner. Life was too short to worry about that kind of thing anymore. Tonight she was just going to enjoy her time with the kids. She had hoped that she could speak with Cloud a little before she broke the news to the kids. She was still determined that he should be there to help soften the blow. The brunette figured that the best way to break the news would be to not make a big deal out of it. If she and Cloud acted like it wasn't a big deal that she was leaving, then maybe it wouldn't be. She had to hope.

A.N: I'm not sure that this chapter is even finished. I think I need to edit it again, but I just wanted to get it out. I'm sorry that this chapter didn't have much Clo-Ti. Let me know if you're confused, and I'll try to clear it up. Also, I am looking for someone to beta-read for me; you know, check my grammar and typos and help me make sure the chapter is just readable in general. If you're interested send me an email or review. Be sure and tell me what you think, even all my mistakes! I have become a review-monger!


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